So as of forty five minutes ago, it's 2011. And this year, I celebrated it in style. I ate sour jacks, watched Glee, and yelled at cats with as much enthusiasm as a now-officially crazed cat woman with strep can. So new year, new leaf right? Well here are my resolutions (I'm leaving out the obvious lose 30 pounds, write and/or draw everyday, become a better person, start a rock band, stuff like that)
-EITHER start liking cats or STOP being a crazy cat lady. This is getting ridiculous. You hate cats, Kent, yet they make up 85% of your social life. This is unacceptable. Something must be done!
-Learn how to pirate your own music instead of getting your friends to do it for you. You're a starving, semi-employeed 19 year old who doesn't know how to use LimeWire. Again, unacceptable!
- Cut down weekly Pokemon allowance from $20 a week to $4.
- Convince everyone at Macy's I'm Canadian
- Participate in No Shave November
-Get a blowjob
- Convince someone to wear a shirt saying "Kent's Bitch" then get them to loudly announce ten reasons why they are inferior to self
-Discover secret talent
-Win "Bridalplasty"
-Hug it out with Jeremy Piven
-Give an inspirational speech
-Stop drinking caffeine (this one will be hard)
-Have someone be so moved be me that they name their child after me.
-Play expert on guitar on GuitarHero
-Buy a snuggie
-Finally, win a game of Dominion.
Have a great, and incredibly dangerous New Years!
this was both amusing and slightly terrifying to read. I think you were going for that. Congrats.
ReplyDeleteHey, I so named a child after you!!!
ReplyDelete