Back in January of this year, me and my friend Jules invented quite possibly the greatest drinking game of all time. My sister, Jules, and I think Ali (she left before the fun part, and as you will soon learn, this night is a bit hazy) were hanging out about a week after my 19th birthday. My birthday itself was trying really hard to top the list of all time worsts, and I needed a good cheering up. Luckily, there was plenty of left over alcohol that felt up for the challenge. I have about half of a half gallon of cheap vodka, most of a Red Label Johnny Walker, a near-full pony keg of Heinken, some Baileys, and a fifth of Bacardi Jules had brought me as a late birthday present. Ali, after introducing me to Dirty Shirleys, went home leaving me, Jules, and my beloved sister with only all the alcohol in the world and two seasons of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Sister is not the biggest drinker in the world, and played two episodes before going to bed. Jules and I watched an entire season. Afterward, I had no more left over alcohol.
In case you're not familiar with the show, it's about three friends who own their own bar in Philadelphia and get into some crazy shenanigans. Except it's funny as fuck and so offense my mom flinches when I mention it. The main cast includes Dennis, who looks like knock off Paul Rudd and is a complete sociopath, his sister Dee who wants to be an actress and looks like a bird, their father Frank, played by Danny DeVito on cocaine, Charlie who eats cat food and is completely insane, and Mac, who has gelled up hair, tattoos, and is the self appointed bouncer.
Please, do not make the same mistake I have made countless times. DRINK BEER. Shots, or even mixed drinks will cause you to have a fun visit to your nearby toilet. I also advise against drinking out of cue unless you have a ridiculous tolerance and/or just want to drink yourself to death. Most people are hammered after four episodes, and solidly drunk after just two. So, generals warning aside, here it is, The Sunny Game.
-Drink whenever a character drinks
-Drink whenever a character insults another character
-If that other character is Sweet Dee, drink twice
-Drink whenever Frank says something that straight up isn't true
-Drink whenever Dennis says something vain
-Drink whenever Charlie does or says something that makes you go "What the fuck?"
-Drink (alternatively, you can take a shot for this since it doesn't occur that often) whenever Mac does something he thinks is badass that really isn't
And there ya have it :)
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Rant: Lynch
Last night, I had to take my best friend to the emergency room in Northridge, CA.
Before I start, let me preface by saying she's fine. This isn't a story about her or me. This is a story about a man I've never met.
I'd been to the emergency room before, once, in Vancouver and it felt like something from Dante's Inferno. After each hours long wait you'd only peel past a layer, with five, six, seven, more to go. Each person was a poor soul trapped, the older man with his foot in a tub of ice water, the young guy with glasses trying not to cry as he nurses his bloody arm, the Lady Gaga knock-off limping with help from her friend and cursing loudly, me, sitting by myself gently sobbing every time I try (unsucessfully) to close my jaw. Infomercials played on a loop. There's poor reception in hell. When I finally made it through to the other side, to the blindingly bright room with a bed, the wait seemed even longer. I was secluded, away from my waiting room friends who looked at me with such disdain, those hours sitting by myself I wished I had broken my whole hand or my whole face so I looked pitiful, so they could see that I wasn't intentionally taking advantage of Canada's medical coverage. After I while, I left the white room, looking at the chaos outside of it. Nurses, interns, doctors, racing back and forth, my friends sitting in beds with curtains, the illusion of privacy so dim as you heard their screams. At the end of the hall was another room. Twin doors wide open, a bed in the middle of the room, machines, wires, like a scene in a movie where it's so important for you to see everything. The lack of privacy stood out to me. Everything else was covered, curtains, doors, so your life, your drama never intersected with anyone elses.
His was there for everyone to see.
This man, maybe 50, skinny except for the beer belly of age, balding brown hair, a face like one you've seen but forgotten, laid in the bed. His eyes were closed, and his face was frozen like he was already dead, and if it weren't for his moans, his voice as he talked to the occasional orderly who'd go in, you'd think he was. His shirt was lifted a little, and I had this feeling... why was I given the luxury of privacy when I had a fractured finger and dislocated jaw and this man... he was dying.
Last night, sitting next to my best friend, gossiping as time passed, I didn't think about this man. Sure, I thought about my time before, and I thought how glad I was that I wasn't reliving it. I thought about the man who did the x-ray and the doctor too busy to look at me, but not the scene. Not that fleeting moment of mortality, not that pity, not that wonderment or confusion. Until I saw him again.
My friend and I followed a nurse into a small room after she had been looked at, to deal with the paperwork. It could only fit two people, so while my friend talked to the woman in charge I stood with my back against the door frame and I looked around. At the end of the hallway was twin doors, wide open for me to see, a bed in the center, machines and wires and a dying man with a face like you'd seen but forgotten.
And I just wanted to run. I wanted to leave as soon as possible, I wanted to look anywhere else, I wanted some explanation, I wanted it to make some sort of sense. I wanted to wake up. I wanted the end credits to roll.
They still haven't.
Before I start, let me preface by saying she's fine. This isn't a story about her or me. This is a story about a man I've never met.
I'd been to the emergency room before, once, in Vancouver and it felt like something from Dante's Inferno. After each hours long wait you'd only peel past a layer, with five, six, seven, more to go. Each person was a poor soul trapped, the older man with his foot in a tub of ice water, the young guy with glasses trying not to cry as he nurses his bloody arm, the Lady Gaga knock-off limping with help from her friend and cursing loudly, me, sitting by myself gently sobbing every time I try (unsucessfully) to close my jaw. Infomercials played on a loop. There's poor reception in hell. When I finally made it through to the other side, to the blindingly bright room with a bed, the wait seemed even longer. I was secluded, away from my waiting room friends who looked at me with such disdain, those hours sitting by myself I wished I had broken my whole hand or my whole face so I looked pitiful, so they could see that I wasn't intentionally taking advantage of Canada's medical coverage. After I while, I left the white room, looking at the chaos outside of it. Nurses, interns, doctors, racing back and forth, my friends sitting in beds with curtains, the illusion of privacy so dim as you heard their screams. At the end of the hall was another room. Twin doors wide open, a bed in the middle of the room, machines, wires, like a scene in a movie where it's so important for you to see everything. The lack of privacy stood out to me. Everything else was covered, curtains, doors, so your life, your drama never intersected with anyone elses.
His was there for everyone to see.
This man, maybe 50, skinny except for the beer belly of age, balding brown hair, a face like one you've seen but forgotten, laid in the bed. His eyes were closed, and his face was frozen like he was already dead, and if it weren't for his moans, his voice as he talked to the occasional orderly who'd go in, you'd think he was. His shirt was lifted a little, and I had this feeling... why was I given the luxury of privacy when I had a fractured finger and dislocated jaw and this man... he was dying.
Last night, sitting next to my best friend, gossiping as time passed, I didn't think about this man. Sure, I thought about my time before, and I thought how glad I was that I wasn't reliving it. I thought about the man who did the x-ray and the doctor too busy to look at me, but not the scene. Not that fleeting moment of mortality, not that pity, not that wonderment or confusion. Until I saw him again.
My friend and I followed a nurse into a small room after she had been looked at, to deal with the paperwork. It could only fit two people, so while my friend talked to the woman in charge I stood with my back against the door frame and I looked around. At the end of the hallway was twin doors, wide open for me to see, a bed in the center, machines and wires and a dying man with a face like you'd seen but forgotten.
And I just wanted to run. I wanted to leave as soon as possible, I wanted to look anywhere else, I wanted some explanation, I wanted it to make some sort of sense. I wanted to wake up. I wanted the end credits to roll.
They still haven't.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Pokemon: Eevee Deck
I'm officially the biggest geek. It's 2:18 am, I have a phone interview tomorrow morning, yet I've spent the past two hours playing Pokemon. Here, my friends (imaginary, non-existent reader friends) is a sure-fire win. This deck has not lost a single game, not even to my other ridiculously good decks. To make your own, you need:
1 x Eevee (Jungle)
1 x Eevee (Team Rocket)
1 x Lt. Surge's Eevee (Gym Challenge)
2 x Eevee (EX Unseen Forces)*
2 x Eevee (DP Majestic Dawn)
1 x Eevee (PL Rising Rivals)
1 x Eevee (HS Undaunted #47/90)
1 x Eevee (HS Undaunted #48/90)
1 x Vaporeon (PL Rising Rivals)
1 x Jolteon (DP Majestic Dawn)
1 x Jolteon (HS Undaunted)
1 x Flareon (HS Undaunted)
1 x Espeon (HS Undaunted)
1 x Umbreon (HS Undaunted)
1 x Umbreon ex (EX Unseen Forces)**
1 x Leafeon (PL Rising Rivals)
1 x Leafeon (HS Undaunted)
1 x Glaceon (DP Majestic Dawn)
1 x Berry (Neo Genesis)
2 x Bill (multiple sets, but I recommend Base or Base 2 before he became a supporter)
1 x Bill's Maintenance (multiple)
1 x Bill's Teleporter (Neo Genesis)
1 x Cynthia's Guidance (PL Supreme Victors)
1 x Defender (multiple)
1 x Dusk Ball (multiple)
1 x Emcee's Chatter (HS Unleashed)
2 x Energy Removal (multiple)
2 x Energy Search (multiple)
1 x Expert Belt (PL Arceus)
1 x Fisherman (HS HeartGold SoulSilver)
1 x Full Heal (multiple)
1 x Great Ball (multiple)
1 x Gust of Wind (multiple)
1 x Interviewer's Questions (HS Unleashed)
1 x Underground Expedition (multiple)
3 x Fire Energy
3 x Electric Energy
3 x Grass Energy
3 x Water Energy
3 x Psychic Energy
3 x Dark Energy
2 x Rainbow Energy
*I recommend this Eevee above the others, but it's more expensive and harder to find. If you have a few extras laying around though, replace Jungle edition and Undaunted 48
**Ex is rarer and harder to find. I only have one ex and one Prime Eevee evolutions total. This card specifically is hard to find online and will set you back $10 at least. The Majestic Dawn Umbreon will work just as well, and is less than half the price
Cynthia and the Interviewer are both great for this deck. If you have more then one copy, replace the Bill's Maintenance and Teleporter. There's also a Holon Lass I think that's handy for this deck. You can get most of the cards at Pokecorner for a total of around $50. I'll update this more once I finish my eevolution collection.
1 x Eevee (Jungle)
1 x Eevee (Team Rocket)
1 x Lt. Surge's Eevee (Gym Challenge)
2 x Eevee (EX Unseen Forces)*
2 x Eevee (DP Majestic Dawn)
1 x Eevee (PL Rising Rivals)
1 x Eevee (HS Undaunted #47/90)
1 x Eevee (HS Undaunted #48/90)
1 x Vaporeon (PL Rising Rivals)
1 x Jolteon (DP Majestic Dawn)
1 x Jolteon (HS Undaunted)
1 x Flareon (HS Undaunted)
1 x Espeon (HS Undaunted)
1 x Umbreon (HS Undaunted)
1 x Umbreon ex (EX Unseen Forces)**
1 x Leafeon (PL Rising Rivals)
1 x Leafeon (HS Undaunted)
1 x Glaceon (DP Majestic Dawn)
1 x Berry (Neo Genesis)
2 x Bill (multiple sets, but I recommend Base or Base 2 before he became a supporter)
1 x Bill's Maintenance (multiple)
1 x Bill's Teleporter (Neo Genesis)
1 x Cynthia's Guidance (PL Supreme Victors)
1 x Defender (multiple)
1 x Dusk Ball (multiple)
1 x Emcee's Chatter (HS Unleashed)
2 x Energy Removal (multiple)
2 x Energy Search (multiple)
1 x Expert Belt (PL Arceus)
1 x Fisherman (HS HeartGold SoulSilver)
1 x Full Heal (multiple)
1 x Great Ball (multiple)
1 x Gust of Wind (multiple)
1 x Interviewer's Questions (HS Unleashed)
1 x Underground Expedition (multiple)
3 x Fire Energy
3 x Electric Energy
3 x Grass Energy
3 x Water Energy
3 x Psychic Energy
3 x Dark Energy
2 x Rainbow Energy
*I recommend this Eevee above the others, but it's more expensive and harder to find. If you have a few extras laying around though, replace Jungle edition and Undaunted 48
**Ex is rarer and harder to find. I only have one ex and one Prime Eevee evolutions total. This card specifically is hard to find online and will set you back $10 at least. The Majestic Dawn Umbreon will work just as well, and is less than half the price
Cynthia and the Interviewer are both great for this deck. If you have more then one copy, replace the Bill's Maintenance and Teleporter. There's also a Holon Lass I think that's handy for this deck. You can get most of the cards at Pokecorner for a total of around $50. I'll update this more once I finish my eevolution collection.
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